How not to apply for a new job.
Posted on April 10, 2008
Filed Under General Insanity |
Where I work our sales have been strong and we have been expanding our work force by running help wanted advertisements in the local newspaper. When resumes or applications for work come in our HR Manager sorts them by the job class applied for and hands them to me for review. I look them over and pick out likely candidates to pass on to the various managers or supervisors responsible for the interview process. Today I had a resume come in that was so bad, at first I thought is was a practical joke. This resume was absolutely and astonishingly real. I decided I needed to post several of the lines from this resume in my blog as this kind of stuff cannot be made up. I have followed each sentence from the resume with my thoughts as I read through it. I have added dashes to hide personal information about the applicant and each sentence is verbatim from the resume.
“From: —–@aim.com”
“Sent: ——”
“To: HR Manager”
“Subject: i am interested in a job interview”
(My first thought: I wonder what job he is interested in?)
“Objective: my objective is to be hard and dedicated…”
(Yeah, me too.)
“At ——– I became a cooler supervisor”
(Huh?)
“My achievements there rookie of the month…”(sic)
(It must have been what made him cool.)
“Before I became a supervisor…my responsibilities where to pull milk off motorized tracks.”(sic)
(I thought milk came from cows?)
“I cleaned the realtor and mop floors.”
(I wonder if the realtor enjoyed it?)
“My job there was to make sure everything was clean. I also watered plants and maintained them.”
(Huh again?)
“Education: High School Diploma. I ran cross country, I won the scholar athlete award.”
(Sounds like an oximoron.)
“Interests: I know how to use Microsoft words.”(sic)
(Wow!)
“If I am hired I will give you everything I have.”
(OK, I will start with your car. This last line is a classic.)
You just can’t make this stuff up. I still don’t know what job he put in for as we are not hiring supervisors, just factory workers.
Clayton
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